UPDATE and DISCLAIMER: Okay, so I may have hijacked/misrepresented Matt's subtle point to make a more obvious one, below. But I needed a literary interlocutor, and he was the cutest one I could find.
As promised, this is an introductory post on the first of my three blogging themes: life as an outsider in the
And yes – since you ask – I did have a lot of time on my hands this weekend (even after watching extended versions of all three LoTR movies!). No, I will not usually be able to maintain this sort of posting prolificacy. Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief.
What I’m doing
A very brief introduction to where I am and what I’m doing, in case you don’t know. I’m living in Cagayan de Oro City, in northern
I recently started working for Innovations for Poverty Action which is a group of academic economists who are trying to figure out which of the many ‘development’ programs in the
Introduction to theme, as promised
A VIP recently made some astute comments (as usual) about life as a foreigner. It’s possible that he may have been just a tiny bit biased in favor of his hidden agenda to convince me that I didn’t really want to move thousands of miles away from everyone I know and love. Nonetheless, I take these as my starting point. Hopefully he won’t kill me for casting him in the Eeyore role.
First, and more obviously, you start out ignorant of the language, traditions, cultural practices and taboos of your adopted country. This is not just a barrier to making bosom friends right away – it’s a big glass wall between you and any sort of authentic or confident interaction with co-workers, potential friends, taxi drivers, people who sell you mangoes, and everyone else. Consequently, you are a) more alone than you would ever be in your home country, because even superficial interactions are awkward and unnatural; and b) in an energy-draining constant state of embarrassment and self-doubt, because you know that you’re making a fool of yourself in every possible way.
The alone-ness actually doesn’t bother me much. As a rule, I enjoy being on my own and free from social obligations for extended periods of time. The awkwardness is more of an issue, hyper-sensitive as I am to maintaining the illusion of dignity. (Who, me? Trip over my tail? I can’t imagine what you’re talking about.) This combination of personal predilections actually leads to the worst sort of trap for a stranger in a strange land: I don’t mind being alone and am easily embarrassed, so the risks involved with meeting new people almost always appear to outweigh the opportunity cost of keeping to myself. In this mind-set, I am highly likely to miss out on all of the best parts of living abroad.
Sure, but suppose you live somewhere for a couple of years. You learn enough of the language to get by, and you start to pick up on social cues. You make a few friends. Then you’re okay, right?
But Matt pointed out what I always forget: what you do and why isn’t enough; it also matters how other people perceive you. And you can’t determine how people on the street perceive you just by adopting local patterns of behavior. People’s perceptions and actions are deeply influenced by things that you can’t control: accent, skin color, gender, and so on. The fact that my poor little liberal-rationalist heart tells me that this shouldn’t happen (life is so unfair!) doesn’t make it untrue.
Demotivational posters in honor of Matt.
17 comments:
why am I not surprised that the color scheme of your blog is green? :-)
well, maybe you can feel at home when your skin is the wrong color, when it's where you were born, says the pink and pale one living in an 80% black city who is often the only white one on the bus, etc.
we'll have to chat about all this more, but hey, it's an experience all us white folks should have once in a while huh esp as we've been so dominant for so long, good to know how what's really the majority of the world feels, i think.
speaking of which, check out article that was in ny times one day last week (youve got all that time alone, do the research!) talking about how in many areas of the u.s we aint the majority any more if we're under 20...
well, in my office, got the 6 hrs of sleep needed and am awake and motivated, so since i bragged to a couple local family members yesterday that when i'm alert, i work 3x faster than most people so it's ok to have spacey days like yesterday, it's time to prove that!!!
p.s. love the de-motivational posters
I eagerly await amusing (or not?) anecdotes to accompany all the devotional posters
Is it impossible to feel at home in a place where your skin is the wrong color, no matter how long you live there?
I can't believe an American asked this question?
I think the responses are too focused on the racial dimension, which was never the focus of my discussion with Meredith. The broader question (and what my conversation with Meredith focused on) was whether you could ever truly recreate yourself. Just as you will only have 1 family, no matter how much you hate them or how close you are to others, the same bonds (I think at least) are not replicable. In a similar fashion, I think you belong to a country (possibly, although I have not made up my mind on this point, even one particular era in one particular country as the stereotypical older folks complaining about the youth of today might tell you) and changing that affiliation is difficult if not impossible to overcome. Not just race, culture, or personal style but a whole series of expectations (both within yourself and others whom you meet) will persist in labeling you, fundamentally, as an outsider. I think Meredith would feel and obviously be just as foreign, in say Germany, where she might better blend in than the Philippines.
To be fair, though, this is likely to be worse in a developing country such as the Philippines, where being an (by local standards at least) extremely wealthy outsider carries additional frictions (eg, many of the locals who are already proposing marriage to Meredith for her comparative wealth and passport). This (my guess at least) only exacerbates feelings of difference and frustration.
This is not to say that you shouldn't go to these places (I'm planning to go work in Peru, after all, were I expect the same problems), but that your new residence never can or will replace your home, and if you plan to live there you should be willing to accept this consequence.
Now I need a thistle.
"already proposing marriage to Meredith for her comparative wealth and passport"
What kind of boyfriend are you? What about my exotic beauty and scintillating wit? In most countries, your dad would have to give my dad lots of goats for me...
Much experience has taught me that while some can come up with disarming rejoinders in this sort of situation, I should settle for just not digging any further...
Fine. But you really think that I would "obviously be just as foreign" if I lived in Germany for 25 years versus the Philippines?
"'already proposing marriage to Meredith for her comparative wealth and passport'
What kind of boyfriend are you? What about my exotic beauty and scintillating wit? In most countries, your dad would have to give my dad lots of goats for me..."
At this point, I am going to put my paternal foot down. I am not trading Meredith for goats.
Goats make lousy editors. They have little sense of grammar or punctuation, are useless at keeping text in the author's own voice, and have an unfortunate tendency to eat copy
Some thoughts:
1) A person's identity is not solely linked to their original family and country -
a) I love Meredith and Glynis (no need to explain those two), Josh and Nat (children here in Wales) as much as I do my sister's three. Yes, each set of relationships has different nuances, but they are all equally strong. In a like manner, Shelly and Dick have influenced me as have my own original family as have other people since. The bonds are more elastic than you might think.
b)The same is true, in many ways, to bonds to a country. I am not the same as I was when I lived in the U.S. I have been influenced and shaped by as many things here as I was by my original country. And even more than with family, the bonds loosen and change over time.
2) Having said that, yes, there is also the reality of how others perceive me. Amongst Welsh-speakers it is rarely remembered that I am an 'other', in terms of nationality at least. There are those who are aware of me as a second-language Welsh speaker, but others who don't make that distinction. Amongst English-speakers, there is a spectrum of those who never see me as an other, to those who never forget. And I doubt a month goes by that some person encountering me for the first time doesn't feel themselves very clever for spotting that I am an American. Of course, more often they think I'm Canadian. This is because Canadian = good (or pleasant, or quietly-spoken), American = bad (loud, rude, etc).
A final thought on this is that not all people living in a new country have the same perception of themselves and others - when I was last living in the US, I was going along to lectures given by Paul Hyams, a medievalist who is from the UK originally. In his graduate seminars and such, he on more than one occasion used me as an example for supporting Matthew's argument - that I, despite the Welsh accent, was American, and he, despite the American wife and children, was British. Being the polite sort I am (see, Canadian) I didn't argue, but I did consider pointing out to him that he wore shorts on campus, even to lecture in, which you would never see in Britain, whereas I haven't worn shorts to anything more formal than the beach since my first year living in Wales - cultural assumptions can change in people, whether they are aware of it or not.
p.s. And I have just about managed to stop laughing at Dick's comments re goats as editors...
Dad, the real reason goats make lousy editors is that they make all meaning disapear from your work, mainly by eating it.
Ok, no goats. Dick, how do you feel about camels or cows?
Camels are too badly dispositioned. Cows are too passive. Meredith, however, is just right.
Jeez, what a picky father. Won't accept EITHER goats OR camels OR cows. What's a man to do?
I recommend meditation while reciting the mantra
Meredithisjustright
Meredithisjustright
Meredithisjustright
You've just reminded me of toddler Meredith: (tearfully) 'But I'm not wrong, Mummy. I'm not wrong.'
Shelly will have to provide the context, I only remember the line, it often comes to me in moments of frustration :-)
Post a Comment